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Mechassault

2004

I got caught up in the Xbox Live hype back in November of 2002, so when "Mechassault" finally came out, I simply had to have it.  I ran out, bought an Xbox, bought Live, bought this game...and, I was a bit disappointed.

The multiplayer version of "Mechassault" is pretty cool.  You pick a 'Mech from a list of various big machines, which vary in size, speed and armament, and take it to battle in either team or deathmatch play using your environment and your sidewinder missiles to take down opponents.  Smack talk is what makes the world go round, so I was loving it initially as I could drop some language on some of the players in my arena, even as I was also takin' it pretty hard from some of the more experienced players on my server.

In contrast to the PC versions of these games, "Mechassault" is purely for arcade-style players only.  Weapons are mapped to only three buttons, and certain buttons are available for jetpacks and other add-ons that certain 'Mechs have.  The robots get all blow'd up real nice-like, so after a massive explosion, those remaining in the arena can run over and pick up the spoils of a kill, including armor, missile and gun replacements.

The online version of "Mechassault", then, is all well and good.  But, the single-player version of the game is complete and utter dogshit.  For one, it's too short.  You'll blow through this in maybe five hours.  Second, it's too easy, so not only are the levels short, you won't have much trouble blowing through what little there on each stage.  Third, it's really quite boring, so you don't even want to go through the exercise again in Hard difficulty because it's a total waste of time.

Let's hope the next version of this game provides us with at least something respectable about the single-player experience.  I can't be online all the time!

Rating:  eBay

 

Feedback?  Comments?  Salma Hayek's digits?  justin@bellviewmovies.com

 

Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  Buy this game right away, and don't ask me any questions as to why that's a good move.  A game experience that will almost guarantee repeated controller abuse, lots of ManScreaming and high resale value, you will assuredly play this bad boy for months on end. 

"$40":  Usually after games have been out for a while, they drop in price slightly, or can be bought for slightly cheaper in combination with other new games.  Usually, that's about $40.  You'll feel good getting the game for this price, since it isn't quite run-out-and-get-it-right-now good, but it has enough game in the box for a few weeks' worth of enjoyment.

"eBay":  This game is not too bad, but you'd be better off buying it used from either half.com or eBay.  You also might let a friend buy this game, let s/he beat it, and then try to buy it from them to make them feel better.  Yes, this does tend to feel like "Sloppy Seconds."

"Rental":  Like my cousin Ron, you should always rent games that you aren't sure about first, to make sure that your $50 is going towards something worthwhile.  For games in this category, this is the maximum amount of money ($5) and/or time (3-5 days) you'll need to either gain satisfaction from the game, or beat the game in its entirety.  Rental-rated games are also sometimes perfect for a weekend when you are going to be at home on your ass, with some time to kill.

"Dogshit":  Games like this should have never been released.  If you play this game for any reason, you will regret every second of the experience.  Further, if you can get this game for free, don't do it, because even for FREE, it will still be a negative experience for you!

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The "fine print":
All material by Justin Elliot Bell for SMR/Bellview/bellviewmovies.com except where noted
1999-2009 Justin Elliot Bell This site was last updated 01/08/09