Wii Game Reviews

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"Wii Sports"


It took almost fifteen eons to find a fucking store that even had the Wii, so when I got my hands on one, I nearly started to cry; I'm sure they were relief tears ("Thank goodness I don't have to go out and keep looking for that damn thing!") but in part, they were also tears of joy.  I can't honestly claim to say that I REALLY wanted a Wii, but part of me wanted to have one in case some great games came along that weren't available on other systems.

As the first game I played on the Wii, the pack-in "Wii Sports" does the trick in giving you a sense of what the system can be once developers start making games that take advantage of the system's controls.  There are five games on the "Wii Sports" disc--baseball, bowling, boxing, tennis and golf.  Even as I write this--and, I've had the Wii for about a month now--I have still never played golf, and I gave boxing and bowling exactly ten minutes of time each before deciding that neither one, in this iteration, was for me.

Even baseball is so-so to me, mainly because it is a three-inning affair that only lets you "play" as the batter (to swing; there is no base-running) or the pitcher (you don't get to play defense).  Sorry, I know it's cool to perform the motion of swinging a bat--and tiring, depending on if you are playing the skills portion of the disc--but I still like to play defense, and that this is missing kinda blows.

But, don't worry friends--we've got tennis.

Tennis is fantastic, the only game of these five that seems to let you really "play" tennis; the motion of flicking the Wii remote upwards as if you were tossing a ball in the air to serve, then swinging the remote in a forehand or backhand motion to hit the ball.  Sure, you don't have to run to the ball, but that's okay, especially when you are controlling both your player and your teammate in doubles (singles don't appear to be an option here).  I played tennis for hours when I first bought the system and it's still the only game I regularly play on this disc.

Otherwise, this pack-in is relatively worthless...but, then again, it was technically free.

Rating:  Rental


Feedback?  Comments?  Salma Hayek's digits?  justin@bellviewmovies.com


Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  Buy this game right away, and don't ask me any questions as to why that's a good move.  A game experience that will almost guarantee repeated controller abuse, lots of ManScreaming and high resale value, you will assuredly play this bad boy for months on end. 

"$40":  Usually after games have been out for a while, they drop in price slightly, or can be bought for slightly cheaper in combination with other new games.  Usually, that's about $40.  You'll feel good getting the game for this price, since it isn't quite run-out-and-get-it-right-now good, but it has enough game in the box for a few weeks' worth of enjoyment.

"eBay":  This game is not too bad, but you'd be better off buying it used from either half.com or eBay.  You also might let a friend buy this game, let s/he beat it, and then try to buy it from them to make them feel better.  Yes, this does tend to feel like "Sloppy Seconds."

"Rental":  Like my cousin Ron, you should always rent games that you aren't sure about first, to make sure that your $50 is going towards something worthwhile.  For games in this category, this is the maximum amount of money ($5) and/or time (3-5 days) you'll need to either gain satisfaction from the game, or beat the game in its entirety.  Rental-rated games are also sometimes perfect for a weekend when you are going to be at home on your ass, with some time to kill.

"Dogshit":  Games like this should have never been released.  If you play this game for any reason, you will regret every second of the experience.  Further, if you can get this game for free, don't do it, because even for FREE, it will still be a negative experience for you!

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The "fine print":
All material by Justin Elliot Bell for SMR/Bellview/bellviewmovies.com except where noted
1999-2009 Justin Elliot Bell This site was last updated 01/08/09