"Gradius III" (Wii Virtual
When I first bought the Wii, I really did have buying old-skool
game classics in mind...but, many of the offerings that are
currently on the Virtual Console are not games that I played when I
was younger. However, with the release of the 1991
arcade-ported classic "Gradius III", I had to sign on because this
is one of my favorite shooters ever.
In classic "fly right forever" style, you are in command of a
ship that can be upgraded with a shitload of weapons and your
mission is to kill everything, anywhere, ever. Featuring no
storyline whatsoever (ahh, the early days of gaming!), you fly
through what seems like endless missions to get to a boss, figure
out its one weakness, and take The Man DOWN!!! The big thing
with the "Gradius" games was that you could pick a set of weapons
before you start your game and then you would kill little bad guys
to get the chance to select those weapons and upgrade the ship; the
best parts were always the Option modules, which could shoot
whatever weapons you had while flying around your ship to give you
extra firepower. Basically, when you have a maxed-out ship,
it's damn near impossible to die...
...which is the major problem with "Gradius III", and I knew this
even before I decided to buy it again on the Virtual Console:
this game is RIDICULOUSLY FUCKING HARD. Basically, without the
shield up, you die every time another enemy or one of their shots
hits you, which is often. Even with a shield, you can take
three extra hits before dying. This means that you have to use
the Konami Code, and that gives you 30 lives instead of just three
for each of your three continues. And, let me say this--I
played through almost the entire game a few weeks ago, and I still
didn't beat it...even with 120 lives!!!!
So, there's that. But, the trip down memory lane--the
insane amount of bad guys on the screen at the same time, the corny
music, the cool boss fights, and the Option modules--was so worth
it. If you're itching for a classic shooter, make this one the
Feedback? Comments? Salma Hayek's digits?
Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": Buy
this game right away, and don't ask me any questions as to why
that's a good move. A game experience that will almost
guarantee repeated controller abuse, lots of ManScreaming and high
resale value, you will assuredly play this bad boy for months on end.
after games have been out for a while, they drop in price slightly,
or can be bought for slightly cheaper in combination with other new
games. Usually, that's about $40. You'll feel good
getting the game for this price, since it isn't quite
run-out-and-get-it-right-now good, but it has enough game in the box
for a few weeks' worth of enjoyment.
game is not too bad, but you'd be better off buying it used from
either half.com or eBay. You also might let a friend buy this
game, let s/he beat it, and then try to buy it from them to make
them feel better. Yes, this does tend to feel like "Sloppy
"Rental": Like my
cousin Ron, you should always rent games that you aren't sure about
first, to make sure that your $50 is going towards something
worthwhile. For games in this category, this is the maximum
amount of money ($5) and/or time (3-5 days) you'll need to either
gain satisfaction from the game, or beat the game in its entirety.
Rental-rated games are also sometimes perfect for a weekend when you
are going to be at home on your ass, with some time to kill.
Games like this should have never been released. If you play
this game for any reason, you will regret every second of the
experience. Further, if you can get this game for free, don't
do it, because even for FREE, it will still be a negative experience