Directed by Keenan Ivory Wayans.
Written by Keenan Ivory Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Andy
McElfresh, Michael Anthony Snowden and Xavier Cook.
Starring Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Jaime King and Frankie Faison.
Release Year: 2004
Review Date: 6/30/04
If you love Keenan Ivory Wayans, director of
the funniest film ever made, "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka", then you
sometimes kid yourself and think that he'll make something nearly as
funny in his other works. Save for
it hasn't happened, but that didn't stop me from going to see "White
Chicks", bad trailer and all.
You know the plot: two FBI agents,
brothers Kevin (Shawn Wayans) and Marcus (Marlon Wayans), are
assigned to babysit the daughters of some rich guy for a weekend in
the Hamptons. After a car accident, the girls are in no shape
to make an appearance up in the hills, so the brothers--who are
black--disguise themselves as the white sisters to try and foil
kidnappers that are planning to snatch the girls once they arrive at
their destination. But, for a while, the guys have to play the
part of the girls so that no one will suspect anything going on,
which is the majority of the film/suffering on behalf of many in the
Now, I went with a white chick to see "White
Chicks" to get the, well, white chick perspective, so Anne "Flirt"
Sawkiw was game and we caught a show last night at the local
multiplex. I hadn't seen a flick with Anne before, and so she
was right to warn me before the film started:
"Just so you know, I talk all the time
during movies. I hope you don't mind?"
This actually made "White Chicks" funnier,
because Anne was absolutely howling many times during this film.
In fact, if Anne hadn't been with me, I probably would have left the
theater after about 15 minutes.
That's because every scene before the
brothers get dipped in white chocolate totally fucking blows.
Completely unfunny. A badly-filmed, illogical action scene.
Scenes that don't work featuring stereotyped Indian convenience
store workers. The scene where we meet the two white girls,
and man, are they annoying. Nothing works, and you can feel
the film reaching all over the place...but, Anne was laughing, so I
couldn't make this the first film I have ever walked out of.
Then, the film does get reasonably funny in VERY sporadic bursts;
Marlon Wayans, the only real actor in this thing in the first place
(real talent, especially in "Requiem for a Dream" and
carries the film through a number of bad scenes; his transformed
white character seems to have the funnier lines, and in a wrong,
nasty sequence at a dinner table, I was completely disgusted and
laughing my ass off all at the same time.
The problems of "White Chicks" well outweigh
the positives, though. I didn't buy for a second that anyone
would look at the brothers and believe that, even with their
costumes and makeup, they even remotely resembled the two real white
girls; in fact, I was kind of freaked out whenever the two brothers
were in costume on screen. This is made worse during a scene
where spectators are visibly confused as to who's really who, a
fashion show near the end of the film...I was sitting there,
thinking, "This is dogshit!" each time someone in the audience would
look at one of the brothers, then look at the "identical twin" white
girl and look lost. Come on!
As strange as they look in "whiteface", the
stranger thing is that both the written jokes and the physical humor
fall flat on their faces. There were stretches of at least
five minutes--a couple of times!!--where no one in the theater
laughed. This is bad for a comedy, right? And, there
were some of those clumsy life lessons thrown in there, like when I
almost gagged as some of the girls talked about how they wished that
men would see through their outer beings and try to understand the
inner self of today's woman. Blah. Or, when I had to sit
there and wonder what it was about Marcus' wife that he loved so
much...argh. And, the main plot behind what is driving the
kidnappers was straight dogshit, too.
When I first left the theater, I was on the
fence between the Hard Vice and Rental ratings, but even I will say
that I laughed enough times to not feel totally cheated. Plus,
the guy at the ticket booth gave us a discount...maybe he knew
something that I didn't, eh? And, there's a great scene
featuring a black pro basketball player singing one of the whitest
songs on record that will make you cry in your seat, it's so damned
funny. I guess that everything has a silver lining...
Comments? Drop me a line at
Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": This is
the highest rating a movie can receive. Reserved for movies that
exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development,
setting...or Salma Hayek. Not necessarily in that order.
"$X.XX Show": This price
changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently,
it is the $9.50 Show. While not technically perfect, this is a
movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.
"Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca",
but you'll have a great time watching. The $9.50 Show won't win any
Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see
"Matinee": An average movie
that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.
Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about
yourself. A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave
the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that
Lakers game last night?"
"Rental": This rating
indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your
friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one." Mostly forgettable, you
couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to
watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the
video store was out of copies of "Ronin." If you can, see this
movie for free. This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a
"Hard Vice": This rating is
the bottom of the barrel. A movie that only six other human beings
have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. A Shannon
Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every
one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a
movie. Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or
"Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this
movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!
(Warning: strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard