Directed by Paul Schrader.
Written by Paul Schrader.
Starring Woody Harrelson, Kristin Scott Thomas, Moritz Bleibtreu and
Release Year: 2007
Review Date: 12/12/07
Yikes! "The Walker" was absolutely
fucking awful, unless you are really, really old and like movies
Paul Schrader (who is listed as directing
"American Gigolo" but also having directed the 2005
straight-to-video flick "Dominion: Prequel to The Exorcist") makes
"The Walker" look like a really good thriller, at least during the
opening credits. Then, the movie starts, and like a shitty jar
of molasses, the whole movie falls apart and as it does, it moves
very, very slowly to tell us what is happening. Basically, a
homosexual escort named Carter Page III (Woody Harrelson, who drawls
his way through this entire film) drives one of his rich women
(Kristin Scott Thomas) to her lover's house one lovely afternoon,
only to discover that the woman's lover is dead of multiple stab
wounds. To protect this woman--she's the wife of a congressman
(Willem Dafoe) living in Washington--Carter shuttles the woman home,
then comes back to the lover's house, where he calls the cops and
plays the role of innocent passer-by...and, this only gets him into
more trouble, with a number of other shady people who speak
incredibly slowly for almost two hours.
I should have known something was up when
this freebie didn't fill our entire theater; worse, the geriatric
set (Meg has a better way to describe "Old Folks" than I do)
dominated the audience in my theater. They were right at home,
with an aw-shucks performance by Harrelson and surprises that were
covered by a see-through veil. "The Walker" seems to have
nothing original going for it, although it is a pretty film to look
at thanks to exquisite costumes on the leads and a Washington
setting. Although it deals with murder, backroom dealings, and
sexual liaisons, none of it was interesting, funny, dangerous,
dramatic, etc. The film is incredibly blah, and while I can't
put my finger on why this is, I do know that this wouldn't even pass
muster with HBO's filmmaking department, let alone major motion
picture studios...maybe as a Hallmark Movie of the Week, but not as
something that should ever appear in a theater.
Man, I was surprised at how bad this was.
2007 has really been bad for most of the star-laden indies that I
have seen this year!
Rating: Hard Vice
Comments? Drop me a line at
Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": This is
the highest rating a movie can receive. Reserved for movies that
exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development,
setting...or Salma Hayek. Not necessarily in that order.
"$X.XX Show": This price
changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently,
it is the $9.50 Show. While not technically perfect, this is a
movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.
"Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca",
but you'll have a great time watching. The $9.50 Show won't win any
Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see
"Matinee": An average movie
that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.
Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about
yourself. A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave
the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that
Lakers game last night?"
"Rental": This rating
indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your
friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one." Mostly forgettable, you
couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to
watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the
video store was out of copies of "Ronin." If you can, see this
movie for free. This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a
"Hard Vice": This rating is
the bottom of the barrel. A movie that only six other human beings
have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. A Shannon
Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every
one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a
movie. Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or
"Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this
movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!
(Warning: strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard