Directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein.
Written by Mitchell Lichtenstein.
Starring Jess Weixler, John Hensley, and Hale Appleman.
Release Year: ?
Review Date: 1/30/07
This much I know after seeing a midnight
showing of the new horror/comedy/drama film "Teeth"--it was picked
up late in the festival by a distributor, and I am VERY excited to
see what the masses think about this one if it comes out with all of
the footage included in the version I witnessed during the 2007
Sundance Film Festival...boy, what a whopper! "Teeth" was
undoubtedly the most outrageous film I saw at Sundance...buzz had
been "love it or hate it" from other people I spoke with at the
festival, but put me in the love it category!!
A high school student who is doing the
rounds as a chastity advocate, Dawn (Jess Weixler, who won an acting
award at Sundance for her performance) is a teenage virgin who has
eyes for her advocacy partner and fellow virgin, Tobey (Hale
Appleman). The two are doing the courting dance when one day,
they go off to the local grotto in the woods to make out...but, when
Tobey tries to take it a bit too far physically, he pays the
ultimate price for his mistake...with some of the nastiest teeth you
could ever imagine!
"Teeth" then takes its strange blend of
genres and shifts it into fifth gear...whether you like it or not,
the second half of "Teeth" becomes the ultimate thrill ride, with so
many shocking-yet-hilarious scenes that our theater was howling all
the way to the finish line. I was down for its raunchy, bloody
mix of fun, but I could tell that a lot of other folks were not.
Bottom line for "Teeth": the ratings board might determine
everything with this film. (All Sundance films are unrated and
uncut, so it's hard to say what the MPAA will force the filmmakers
to do if they don't like any of what they see.) The cut I saw
was nearly 100% guaranteed to get an NC-17, and since it has a
distributor, it is very likely to come down to an R to get mass
But, when "Teeth" sees the light of day, I
highly recommend it. Great performances by a mostly unknown
cast (although "Nip/Tuck" star John Hensley plays Dawn's brother in
the film), schlocky comedy and, well, wild kill scenes. Whoa!
Rating: Opening Weekend
Comments? Drop me a line at
Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": This is
the highest rating a movie can receive. Reserved for movies that
exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development,
setting...or Salma Hayek. Not necessarily in that order.
"$X.XX Show": This price
changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently,
it is the $9.50 Show. While not technically perfect, this is a
movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.
"Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca",
but you'll have a great time watching. The $9.50 Show won't win any
Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see
"Matinee": An average movie
that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.
Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about
yourself. A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave
the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that
Lakers game last night?"
"Rental": This rating
indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your
friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one." Mostly forgettable, you
couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to
watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the
video store was out of copies of "Ronin." If you can, see this
movie for free. This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a
"Hard Vice": This rating is
the bottom of the barrel. A movie that only six other human beings
have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. A Shannon
Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every
one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a
movie. Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or
"Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this
movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!
(Warning: strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard