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"Stuck on You"

Directed by Bobby and Peter Farrelly.
Written by Bobby and Peter Farrelly.
Starring Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Eva Mendes and Cher.
Release Year:  2003 
Review Date:  1/16/04 


January, at times my favorite month of the year, is nearing September in terms of its movie atrociousness.  In fact, this January might be the worst movie January on record.  I can’t even trick myself into going to see “My Baby’s Daddy”, “Along Came Polly” or...dear God...”He Got Served.”  (Seriously, when I realized that “He Got Served” is essentially “Bring It On—The Male Version”, I didn’t think that anyone would want to see it...and Steve Harvey’s in it!  It’s a guaranteed bust!)  I’ll see “Torque” because it’s the only film coming out this month that might be bad-but-laugh-out-loud funny.  I mean, who doesn’t love that trailer??

“From the producers of [screech] ‘The Fast and the Furious’, [vroom] ‘xXx’, [gunfire] ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’, [skirt blown up in the air] and ‘SWAT’ comes...’Torque’!!  Rated PG-13.”

That’s the whole commercial!  I love it!

Anyway, I’ll spend most of January catching up on December films, and see the indies that have the best shot at Oscar next month.  During a run through Boston, my friend Jennifer and I caught up with the latest Farrelly Brothers flick “Stuck on You” and, I must say, after seeing this one, hopefully the hype machine for Bobby & Peter’s films will slow down a bit.  After making really just two great films, “Dumb and Dumber” and “There’s Something About Mary”, the rest of the films these guys have made have been anywhere from average to...well, to quote one Keith Karem, “complete dogshit.”  Even “Kingpin” only makes me laugh about a half a dozen times now when I watch it, and “Osmosis Jones”...

“Stuck on You” falls into that average bracket.  It stars Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear as Bob and Walt, conjoined-at-the-hip twins from a small town in Massachusetts.  There they own a popular burger joint, know everybody in town, and Walt—an aspiring actor—does a one-man stage show at the local theater (you have to see the movie to see just how Bob tries to hide behind his brother).  Bob, the more athletic of the duo, loves it in the tiny town but Walt has big-city, the twins move to Los Angeles so that Walt can try to hit the big time in Hollywood.

The film relies heavily on sight gags in the early going, which works quite well, and upon their arrival in Hollywood, the attempts of Bob and Walt to try and find acting gigs is pretty funny as well; Cher has a small role as the star/producer of an intentionally-bad TV drama where Walt eventually lands work.  Kinnear and Damon are both great in these roles, Eva Mendes is quite hot as the lingerie model that the brothers befriend once they move to LA, and there are so many cameos in this film that by the time New England QB Tom Brady shows up, you almost don’t realize that it’s him because the scene is so minor.

But after a while, the gags wear out, and the film barely crawls over the finish line.  A one-trick pony like this didn’t need to be 118 minutes; shaving 15-20 minutes off of the film would have worked better.  As it is, we are left to face the melodrama of whether or not the twosome should try to have surgery to be separated; this takes way too long given how predictable the outcome is.  Blah.

If you stick around for the first hour and then leave, this is perfect.  Otherwise, be sure to pay that matinee price...

Rating:  Matinee


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Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)

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The "fine print":
All material by Justin Elliot Bell for SMR/Bellview/ except where noted
© 1999-2009 Justin Elliot Bell This site was last updated 01/08/09