"Stuck on You"
Directed by Bobby and Peter Farrelly.
Written by Bobby and Peter Farrelly.
Starring Matt Damon, Greg Kinnear, Eva Mendes and Cher.
Release Year: 2003
Review Date: 1/16/04
January, at times my favorite month of the
year, is nearing September in terms of its movie atrociousness. In
fact, this January might be the worst movie January on record. I
can’t even trick myself into going to see “My Baby’s Daddy”, “Along
Came Polly” or...dear God...”He Got Served.” (Seriously, when I
realized that “He Got Served” is essentially “Bring It On—The Male
Version”, I didn’t think that anyone would want to see it...and
Steve Harvey’s in it! It’s a guaranteed bust!) I’ll see
because it’s the only film coming out this month that might be
bad-but-laugh-out-loud funny. I mean, who doesn’t love that
“From the producers of [screech] ‘The Fast
and the Furious’, [vroom] ‘xXx’, [gunfire] ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’,
[skirt blown up in the air] and ‘SWAT’ comes...’Torque’!! Rated
That’s the whole commercial! I love it!
Anyway, I’ll spend most of January catching
up on December films, and see the indies that have the best shot at
Oscar next month. During a run through Boston, my friend Jennifer
and I caught up with the latest Farrelly Brothers flick “Stuck on
You” and, I must say, after seeing this one, hopefully the hype
machine for Bobby & Peter’s films will slow down a bit. After
making really just two great films, “Dumb and Dumber” and “There’s
Something About Mary”, the rest of the films these guys have made
have been anywhere from average to...well, to quote one Keith Karem,
“complete dogshit.” Even “Kingpin” only makes me laugh about a half
a dozen times now when I watch it, and “Osmosis Jones”...
“Stuck on You” falls into that average
bracket. It stars Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear as Bob and Walt,
conjoined-at-the-hip twins from a small town in Massachusetts.
There they own a popular burger joint, know everybody in town, and
Walt—an aspiring actor—does a one-man stage show at the local
theater (you have to see the movie to see just how Bob tries to hide
behind his brother). Bob, the more athletic of the duo, loves it in
the tiny town but Walt has big-city aspirations...so, the twins move
to Los Angeles so that Walt can try to hit the big time in
The film relies heavily on sight gags in the
early going, which works quite well, and upon their arrival in
Hollywood, the attempts of Bob and Walt to try and find acting gigs
is pretty funny as well; Cher has a small role as the star/producer
of an intentionally-bad TV drama where Walt eventually lands work.
Kinnear and Damon are both great in these roles, Eva Mendes is quite
hot as the lingerie model that the brothers befriend once they move
to LA, and there are so many cameos in this film that by the time
New England QB Tom Brady shows up, you almost don’t realize that
it’s him because the scene is so minor.
But after a while, the gags wear out, and
the film barely crawls over the finish line. A one-trick pony like
this didn’t need to be 118 minutes; shaving 15-20 minutes off of the
film would have worked better. As it is, we are left to face the
melodrama of whether or not the twosome should try to have surgery
to be separated; this takes way too long given how predictable the
outcome is. Blah.
If you stick around for the first hour and
then leave, this is perfect. Otherwise, be sure to pay that matinee
Comments? Drop me a line at
Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": This is
the highest rating a movie can receive. Reserved for movies that
exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development,
setting...or Salma Hayek. Not necessarily in that order.
"$X.XX Show": This price
changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently,
it is the $9.50 Show. While not technically perfect, this is a
movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.
"Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca",
but you'll have a great time watching. The $9.50 Show won't win any
Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see
"Matinee": An average movie
that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.
Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about
yourself. A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave
the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that
Lakers game last night?"
"Rental": This rating
indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your
friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one." Mostly forgettable, you
couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to
watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the
video store was out of copies of "Ronin." If you can, see this
movie for free. This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a
"Hard Vice": This rating is
the bottom of the barrel. A movie that only six other human beings
have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. A Shannon
Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every
one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a
movie. Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or
"Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this
movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!
(Warning: strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard