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"South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut"

Directed by Trey Parker.
Written by Trey Parker, Matt Stone and Pam Brady. 
Starring the voices of Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Mary Kay Bergman and Isaac Hayes.
Release Year:  1999 
Review Date:  7/1/99 


I was trying to estimate, in the last few minutes, how many movies that I've seen.  1000?  2000?  The number is unclear.

I was thinking about it because "South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut" represents, at only 85 minutes, the most cussing that I've ever heard in any one single movie.  You may think, Justin, c'mon, Scorsese gets the word fuck into his movies about 200 can't be more than that?

I'm still in shock because the movie was so offensive.  Be warned:  if you don't like black, Jew, religious, or clitoris jokes, this movie is NOT for you.  Because, all of these subjects get abused unmercifully.

And, I'm not even a South Park fan.  I think the whole thing is a one-trick pony, and its TV ratings so far this year have proved me right.  However, even with all of that, the movie is still pretty damn funny.  It is half-musical, all-comedy, which is a good and a bad thing.  The musical number with the school teacher and Cartman's "Kyle's Mom is a Bitch" songs were pretty funny, but there are about 10 pieces total, and that number is way too high.  Some work, some don't, but they all got laughs because they all have a sick amount of cussing.

The story involves the four main characters of the TV show sneaking out on a Sunday morning to watch a new movie called "Asses of Fire," whose main characters are Canadian and spend the entire film-within-the-film cussing and setting their farts on fire.  The kids come out of the movie talking like their new movie heroes, which eventually gets the kids in trouble and sends the mothers of the four to start a new group called "Mothers Against Canada."   Eventually, this leads to World War III between the US and Canada.  But, the pace is very good (it IS a cartoon, after one wants to mess around developing character) and, surprisingly, the directors (Matt Stone & Trey Parker) make a lot of smart references to pop culture and how movies--at least in the public's minds--influence children’s behavior.  Good touch for what, on the surface, just looks like an obscene movie.

But, not all of it works--there are a few scenes with Satan and Saddam Hussein, all of which are either dumb or VERY gratuitous--one of which involves a sound effect that I can still hear in my mind.  And, as I mentioned, there are too many song-and-dance pieces.  The black racism that occurs near the end of the movie is actually pretty smart, but I asked myself why they thought that it had to be included.  Either way, I heard people with me and around saying "why?" during the scene, which told me that it would confuse more than it would amuse.

This weekend, if I can get someone to go with me, I'm going to try to see "Wild Wild West" and/or "Summer of Sam."  Happy 4th of July!!

Rating:  Matinee


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Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)

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The "fine print":
All material by Justin Elliot Bell for SMR/Bellview/ except where noted
© 1999-2009 Justin Elliot Bell This site was last updated 01/08/09