Directed by Jessy Terrero.
Written by Bo Zenga and Chuck Wilson.
Starring Kevin Hart, Tom Arnold, Method Man and Snoop Dogg.
Release Year: 2004
Review Date: 6/1/04
I was coming in kind of hoping for a black
version of "Airplane!", but instead, I got another in a long list of
shitty films released in the two-double-oh-four.
It's tough to even pick a starting point,
but after Andy "Moneyball" Kellam and I left the theater on Memorial
Day following our matinee, we can recommend two things about "Soul
The parade of ridiculously hot women in
"Soul Plane" is long, and I mean, 767-Boeing-long.
The Soul Plane itself is hilarious.
From its class system to its club level, the Plane is good
times. In "Low Class" (Coach), it's essentially the
apartment from "Good Times", complete with ghetto-style
accoutrements (no video monitors, just cheap-ass TVs with rabbit
ears that don't work) and projects-style dining, as stewardesses
tell passengers to take one piece of fried chicken from the box,
pass it on...but, share the napkins with at least one other
person, 'cause we ain't got many of dem to go 'round, hear??
Otherwise, this film is fucking dogshit.
Kevin Hart stars as Nashawn, a guy that wins a big court case
against another major airline when the film opens and decides to use
the money to start his own airline, one that caters more to the
members of Chocolate City, if you catch my drift. When he
finally gets the airline up to snuff, his cousin Muggs (Method Man)
hires a, well, "pilot" named Captain Mack (Snoop Dogg) that doesn't
really know how to fly, and a bunch of aviation staff that looks
good, even if they don't know too much about how to do their jobs in
flight. A white family that is rerouted to this new soulful
airline, led by Elvis Honkee (Tom Arnold), gets the ride of their
life after boarding this sham of an airline too.
All of it is a mess, mostly because "Soul
Plane" isn't funny, and that was all I wanted in the first place.
Save for some token laughs (and of course, "token" laughs), and a
great scene where Honkee's daughter explains to him why it's nice to
be able to start having sex (this movie even throws in a pearl
necklace joke; wow), the laughs come few and fewer and then far
between. Director Jessy Terrero--is it enough to say that no
man should ever spell Jesse "Jessy"?--somehow makes both Snoop Dogg
and Meth UNFUNNY; at times, Tom Arnold is the only game in town,
which with this cast is somewhat of a surprise. Even the
normally funny Mo'Nique is just annoying in "Soul Plane"; she adds
nothing to her resumé with this horseshit, and I blame either the
script or a lack of improvisation on why she goes down in flames
with this film, too.
Hart--who, at times, seems to stand no
taller than five feet tall, tough for a romantic lead, eh?--is by
far the worst actor in the film, and one wonders in every scene
where the filmmakers found this guy. There's supposedly a
romantic angle in this film, very reminiscent of the
awkward-yet-hilarious romance happening in "Airplane!" but with none
of the humor and none of the romance...in fact, I'm still not really
sure why the Hart character and his flame (K.D. Aubert) ever broke
it off in the first place...something about college, and dreams, and
her dad, and I don't give a shit.
This was very, VERY close to Hard Vice
status, but there are a couple of chuckles and a Lil' John cameo
that are worthwhile. Just don't get your hopes up.
Comments? Drop me a line at
Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": This is
the highest rating a movie can receive. Reserved for movies that
exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development,
setting...or Salma Hayek. Not necessarily in that order.
"$X.XX Show": This price
changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently,
it is the $9.50 Show. While not technically perfect, this is a
movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.
"Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca",
but you'll have a great time watching. The $9.50 Show won't win any
Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see
"Matinee": An average movie
that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.
Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about
yourself. A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave
the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that
Lakers game last night?"
"Rental": This rating
indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your
friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one." Mostly forgettable, you
couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to
watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the
video store was out of copies of "Ronin." If you can, see this
movie for free. This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a
"Hard Vice": This rating is
the bottom of the barrel. A movie that only six other human beings
have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. A Shannon
Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every
one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a
movie. Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or
"Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this
movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!
(Warning: strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard