"The Sixth Sense"
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.
Written by M. Night Shyamalan.
Starring Bruce Willis, Toni Collette and Haley Joel Osment.
Release Year: 1999
Review Date: 8/18/99
Happy midweek! Don't worry, not too many
more of these bastard e-mails are coming, since the summer movie
season ends Labor Day weekend.
First off, my apologies to "Kickass" Simon,
who told me (after viewing the preview) that she was really excited
about "The Sixth Sense", to which I replied, "Uhh, yeah, that's
probably gonna blow." Man, was I wrong about that one. Secondly,
to "Killer" Szeto: this is the first movie Willis has ever done
that has zero killing which I liked!
Hmm, I haven't gone Q&A in a while...
SO, OKAY, TELL ME THE TRUTH: DOES THAT KID
WHISPER THE ENTIRE FUCKIN' MOVIE?
Thankfully, no, he doesn't. He does raise
his voice a few times, and even shows flashes of anger. For a child
actor, this kid is pretty good-much better than the nerd from "Jerry
Maguire", who, while he is cute, has zero acting ability.
MAN, YOU WERE SO MONEY WITH THAT REVIEW OF
"DEEP BLUE SEA"...IS THIS AS SCARY AS THAT?
Well, I must admit, K-Mac, Schmoove, and I
were all pretty freaked during a couple of the intentionally scary
scenes. There are one or two jump-out-of-the-seaters, but this is
PG-13...you can't have big surprises like that scene in "Deep Blue
Sea" where the guy is talking, and...oh, I can't give that away!
This movie is more spooky than scary, but spooky it is and it has a
pretty interesting ending.
HEY, YOU WERE CRYING HOMELESSNESS TWO WEEKS
AGO...DID YOU FIND A PLACE?
Hey, I sure did...it's actually bigger than
Le Chateaux (French translation: big closets), with a super-phat
loft, den, balcony, and fireplace, and if you think you know phat,
just wait until the housewarmer. But, Charles "Chuck" Longer and I
are simply thankful for having a home, since it didn't look too good
for a little while there in early August. We are sad to leave The
Chateaux and our excessively lovely neighbors, but in life, "Keep on
moving...keep on moving, don't stop, no!!"
RIGHT, RIGHT. SO WHAT WERE YOU SAYING ABOUT
Gotta give some respect to Willis, who
decided to make "Mercury Rising 2" in a different city. He's pretty
good here and he doesn't overdo the acting, which fits well. He is
believable as a child psychologist who has ulterior motives in
helping the kid and likes to tell bad childish jokes, and his
support is pretty good with Olivia Williams playing his wife and, of
course, the kid, whose real name, for some reason, slips my
mind--all I can think of is the line "I see dead people", and
getting the chills. But the real star here is the story, which
somehow seems to be both very plodding in its pacing and very
intense, all while serving up an interesting idea about how the dead
live among us. This one is a big surprise, and I'm actually kind of
glad that it's doing so well at the box office.
MAN, YOU'VE BEEN HANDING OUT KUDOS LIKE IT'S
GOIN' OUT OF STYLE; WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEE A BAD MOVIE
"Universal Soldier: The
Rating: $7.50 Show
Comments? Drop me a line at
Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": This is
the highest rating a movie can receive. Reserved for movies that
exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development,
setting...or Salma Hayek. Not necessarily in that order.
"$X.XX Show": This price
changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently,
it is the $9.50 Show. While not technically perfect, this is a
movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.
"Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca",
but you'll have a great time watching. The $9.50 Show won't win any
Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see
"Matinee": An average movie
that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.
Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about
yourself. A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave
the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that
Lakers game last night?"
"Rental": This rating
indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your
friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one." Mostly forgettable, you
couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to
watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the
video store was out of copies of "Ronin." If you can, see this
movie for free. This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a
"Hard Vice": This rating is
the bottom of the barrel. A movie that only six other human beings
have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. A Shannon
Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every
one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a
movie. Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or
"Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this
movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!
(Warning: strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard