"The Princess Blade"
Directed by Shinsuke Sato.
Written by Kei Kunii and Shinsuke Sato.
Starring Hideaki Ito and Yumiko Shaku.
Release Year: 2001
Review Date: 4/29/02
The man that brought you
choreographed the action sequences in this sorta-futuristic action
film, based on a comic book that apparently has been done in a few
different films before this one. Here, a woman named Yuki is the
youngest of a band of ronin-styled assassins that will kill for cash
in a time not far from now in Japan. Being that the film is
supposed to be “cool”, these assassins all wear leather and instead
of following logic and using handguns, explosives, Jedi magic or
crossbows, they would much rather cut your head off with medieval
two-handed broadswords. Yuki realizes that her boss sold her out
(don’t they always?), so she ends up in a feud to the death with her
fellow assassins. The action scenes are wicked, baby! Too bad the
story reads like something right out of American mainstream action
films. Also, it will be noted that no matter what language a film
is shot in, no matter what the year, no matter who the director...if
a lead character loses someone that they love mid-to-late film, they
will scream for no reason while looking at the ceiling or sky for
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Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": This is
the highest rating a movie can receive. Reserved for movies that
exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development,
setting...or Salma Hayek. Not necessarily in that order.
"$X.XX Show": This price
changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently,
it is the $9.50 Show. While not technically perfect, this is a
movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.
"Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca",
but you'll have a great time watching. The $9.50 Show won't win any
Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see
"Matinee": An average movie
that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.
Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about
yourself. A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave
the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that
Lakers game last night?"
"Rental": This rating
indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your
friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one." Mostly forgettable, you
couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to
watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the
video store was out of copies of "Ronin." If you can, see this
movie for free. This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a
"Hard Vice": This rating is
the bottom of the barrel. A movie that only six other human beings
have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. A Shannon
Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every
one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a
movie. Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or
"Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this
movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!
(Warning: strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard