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"Moulin Rouge"

Directed by Baz Luhrmann.
Written by Craig Pearce and Baz Luhrmann. 
Starring Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor.
Release Year:  2001 
Review Date:  6/20/01 


Let me put it to you this way.

When my friend Laura left the theater with me on Wednesday afternoon, the first words she said were:

"That may have been the worst movie I have ever seen."

I looked at her, realized that I was dizzy from some of the most frenzied editing I have ever witnessed, and said, "You know what?  I think you might be right."

"Moulin Rouge" is the worst movie of the year, and it does deserve some votes for worst movie of all time.  Forget the fact that there is exactly zero story and that it features one of the worst endings in the history of film.  This is one hell of a boring piece of shit movie.  I almost fell asleep six times.  I am not going to comment any further on this worthless piece of fucking dogshit because I was so angry after watching it.

And, to boot, I saw this movie for free.  If I can be this upset after seeing a bad movie for free, you know that you need to avoid this film at all costs, or no costs.  Wow.

Rating:  Hard Vice


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Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)

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The "fine print":
All material by Justin Elliot Bell for SMR/Bellview/ except where noted
1999-2009 Justin Elliot Bell This site was last updated 01/08/09