Directed by Baz Luhrmann.
Written by Craig Pearce and Baz Luhrmann.
Starring Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor.
Release Year: 2001
Review Date: 6/20/01
Let me put it to you this way.
When my friend Laura left the theater with
me on Wednesday afternoon, the first words she said were:
"That may have been the worst movie I have
I looked at her, realized that I was dizzy
from some of the most frenzied editing I have ever witnessed, and
said, "You know what? I think you might be right."
"Moulin Rouge" is the worst movie of the
year, and it does deserve some votes for worst movie of all time.
Forget the fact that there is exactly zero story and that it
features one of the worst endings in the history of film. This is
one hell of a boring piece of shit movie. I almost fell asleep six
times. I am not going to comment any further on this worthless
piece of fucking dogshit because I was so angry after watching it.
And, to boot, I saw this movie for free. If
I can be this upset after seeing a bad movie for free, you know that
you need to avoid this film at all costs, or no costs. Wow.
Rating: Hard Vice
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Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": This is
the highest rating a movie can receive. Reserved for movies that
exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development,
setting...or Salma Hayek. Not necessarily in that order.
"$X.XX Show": This price
changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently,
it is the $9.50 Show. While not technically perfect, this is a
movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.
"Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca",
but you'll have a great time watching. The $9.50 Show won't win any
Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see
"Matinee": An average movie
that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.
Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about
yourself. A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave
the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that
Lakers game last night?"
"Rental": This rating
indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your
friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one." Mostly forgettable, you
couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to
watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the
video store was out of copies of "Ronin." If you can, see this
movie for free. This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a
"Hard Vice": This rating is
the bottom of the barrel. A movie that only six other human beings
have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. A Shannon
Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every
one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a
movie. Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or
"Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this
movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!
(Warning: strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard