"March of the Penguins"
Directed by Luc Jacquet.
Written by Luc Jacquet. Narration written by Jordan
Narrated by Morgan Freeman.
Release Year: 2005
Review Date: 9/6/2005
A movie about fucking PENGUINS?
I think that if your movie has been in
multiplexes nationwide for three months, something has gotta be good
about a movie full of fuckin' penguins. Yes, friends--"March
of the Penguins" is that movie!
Actually, I shouldn't make fun.
Narrated by your friend and mine, Morgan Freeman, this film is
essentially an 80-minute documentary on just how tough it is to be a
freakin' penguin, and I have to admit, it worked for me! We
get to watch penguins walk, waddle, chest-surf, and give birth as
writer/director Luc Jacquet (sounds...Korean) and his crack
filmmaking team give us moments from the penguin lifecycle in their
natural environment of...well, Antarctica.
You can't really explain why when you are
watching it, but "March of the Penguins" is actually very watchable
entertainment. From watching some penguins trying to outrun
underwater predators, to seeing a thousand penguins endure -100°
temperatures by huddling in a large circle, to watching two penguins
mate and give birth to a child that the MAN has to take paternity
leave on for three months while Mommy's out searching for food, I
was intrigued to learn how penguins mate, reproduce and commute from
one place to another...all things that I was quite confident didn't
register at all on the "who gives a shit"-o-meter before entering
What can I really say about a flick full of
freakin' penguins? I guess the best thing I should say is that
it does not disappoint and that I'll never head down to the South
Pole to talk smack with baby penguins ever again.
Probably never again. Probably.
Rating: $9.50 Show
Comments? Drop me a line at
Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": This is
the highest rating a movie can receive. Reserved for movies that
exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development,
setting...or Salma Hayek. Not necessarily in that order.
"$X.XX Show": This price
changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently,
it is the $9.50 Show. While not technically perfect, this is a
movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.
"Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca",
but you'll have a great time watching. The $9.50 Show won't win any
Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see
"Matinee": An average movie
that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.
Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about
yourself. A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave
the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that
Lakers game last night?"
"Rental": This rating
indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your
friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one." Mostly forgettable, you
couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to
watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the
video store was out of copies of "Ronin." If you can, see this
movie for free. This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a
"Hard Vice": This rating is
the bottom of the barrel. A movie that only six other human beings
have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. A Shannon
Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every
one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a
movie. Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or
"Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this
movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!
(Warning: strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard