"Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo"
Directed by Mike Mitchell.
Written by Harris Goldberg and Rob Schneider.
Starring Rob Schneider, William Forsythe and Oded Fehr.
Release Year: 1999
Review Date: 12/30/99
Now, before you begin wondering, "What the
hell was Justin doing seeing this piece of trash?", I want to assure
you that I was not hoodwinked into seeing this film; my brother,
known to many as just D-Bell, and I had talked about seeing this
when it first came out. So, I actually wanted to see this movie
because the previews looked pretty funny. If you think that I've
already lost my mind, please let me know!
In case you haven't seen said preview, Rob
Schneider plays a professional fish tank cleaner that has a
problem. You see, Deuce is housesitting for a client of his when he
accidentally shatters the client's $6,000 high-tech fish tank. The
rest of the movie is spent watching Deuce gathering the six grand in
the three weeks before the client returns home. How will he make
back the money that quickly? Well, the client with the expensive
fish tank could afford it because he is a male gigolo, and Deuce
decides to take up his business practices in his client's absence.
A different setup, no doubt, than most
movies and the writers must be credited for at least coming up with
an interesting premise for all of the shenanigans that follow. And,
the women that Deuce has to, ahem, serve are a diverse lot as well:
a severely overweight food lover; a woman with Tourette's syndrome;
a 7-foot-tall Norwegian that likes a good foot massage; and, a girl
with a horrible sleep disorder, to name a few. The characters are
all fairly ridiculous, including Deuce's dad Bob Bigalow, who has
the funniest lines in the movie as a professional lavoratory
assistant, and Deuce's pimp TJ, who can't seem to keep food in his
hands in his hot tub. Some hit, some miss, but almost all of
them have at least one funny line to utter during the course of the
And, this is the first movie that I've seen
that shamelessly rips off "The Matrix," so that can only be
considered a plus because the ripoffs are funny and, well, any
"Matrix" mention is good for me!
The minuses almost match the positives:
surprisingly raw language considering that this is a PG-13; for me,
it didn't really matter, but you should know that the girl with
Tourette's syndrome spouts off phrases like "dicklicking asshole" a
lot more than once during the course of its 85 minutes. There is no
actual sex, but the language seems to make up for it! And, a couple
of the random characters, like the private investigator that follows
Deuce around during the course of the movie, seem to say just the
dumbest, nastiest things...because the movie is so short, it seemed
like the filmmakers just threw them in because the running time was
so short. And, the original soundtrack for the movie is as cheap as
anything I've ever heard--really bad, no-class made-up rap music and
filler that wouldn't be played on most elevator stations. And,
besides Schneider (not exactly Tom Cruise in stature, mind you),
there is no one that you've ever heard of in this movie. Sometimes,
star power helps!
But, there are some seriously good belly
laughs in this movie, and it comes recommended if you're looking for
a quick laugh and don't mind your movies having a few scenes of
people farting like it is their job. Mark "Someday, You're Gonna
Need a Dentist" Vagnetti and I were laughing hysterically during
certain scenes. Ahh, 80's-era toilet humor...
Comments? Drop me a line at
Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": This is
the highest rating a movie can receive. Reserved for movies that
exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development,
setting...or Salma Hayek. Not necessarily in that order.
"$X.XX Show": This price
changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently,
it is the $9.50 Show. While not technically perfect, this is a
movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.
"Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca",
but you'll have a great time watching. The $9.50 Show won't win any
Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see
"Matinee": An average movie
that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.
Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about
yourself. A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave
the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that
Lakers game last night?"
"Rental": This rating
indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your
friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one." Mostly forgettable, you
couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to
watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the
video store was out of copies of "Ronin." If you can, see this
movie for free. This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a
"Hard Vice": This rating is
the bottom of the barrel. A movie that only six other human beings
have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. A Shannon
Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every
one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a
movie. Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or
"Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this
movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!
(Warning: strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard