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"Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo"

Directed by Mike Mitchell.
Written by Harris Goldberg and Rob Schneider.
Starring Rob Schneider, William Forsythe and Oded Fehr.
Release Year:  1999 
Review Date:  12/30/99 


Now, before you begin wondering, "What the hell was Justin doing seeing this piece of trash?", I want to assure you that I was not hoodwinked into seeing this film; my brother, known to many as just D-Bell, and I had talked about seeing this when it first came out.  So, I actually wanted to see this movie because the previews looked pretty funny.  If you think that I've already lost my mind, please let me know!

In case you haven't seen said preview, Rob Schneider plays a professional fish tank cleaner that has a problem.  You see, Deuce is housesitting for a client of his when he accidentally shatters the client's $6,000 high-tech fish tank.  The rest of the movie is spent watching Deuce gathering the six grand in the three weeks before the client returns home.  How will he make back the money that quickly?  Well, the client with the expensive fish tank could afford it because he is a male gigolo, and Deuce decides to take up his business practices in his client's absence.

A different setup, no doubt, than most movies and the writers must be credited for at least coming up with an interesting premise for all of the shenanigans that follow.  And, the women that Deuce has to, ahem, serve are a diverse lot as well:  a severely overweight food lover; a woman with Tourette's syndrome; a 7-foot-tall Norwegian that likes a good foot massage; and, a girl with a horrible sleep disorder, to name a few.  The characters are all fairly ridiculous, including Deuce's dad Bob Bigalow, who has the funniest lines in the movie as a professional lavoratory assistant, and Deuce's pimp TJ, who can't seem to keep food in his hands in his hot tub.  Some hit, some miss, but almost all of them have at least one funny line to utter during the course of the movie.

And, this is the first movie that I've seen that shamelessly rips off "The Matrix," so that can only be considered a plus because the ripoffs are funny and, well, any "Matrix" mention is good for me!

The minuses almost match the positives:  surprisingly raw language considering that this is a PG-13; for me, it didn't really matter, but you should know that the girl with Tourette's syndrome spouts off phrases like "dicklicking asshole" a lot more than once during the course of its 85 minutes.  There is no actual sex, but the language seems to make up for it! And, a couple of the random characters, like the private investigator that follows Deuce around during the course of the movie, seem to say just the dumbest, nastiest things...because the movie is so short, it seemed like the filmmakers just threw them in because the running time was so short.  And, the original soundtrack for the movie is as cheap as anything I've ever heard--really bad, no-class made-up rap music and filler that wouldn't be played on most elevator stations.  And, besides Schneider (not exactly Tom Cruise in stature, mind you), there is no one that you've ever heard of in this movie.  Sometimes, star power helps!

But, there are some seriously good belly laughs in this movie, and it comes recommended if you're looking for a quick laugh and don't mind your movies having a few scenes of people farting like it is their job.  Mark "Someday, You're Gonna Need a Dentist" Vagnetti and I were laughing hysterically during certain scenes.  Ahh, 80's-era toilet humor...

Rating:  Matinee


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Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)

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The "fine print":
All material by Justin Elliot Bell for SMR/Bellview/ except where noted
1999-2009 Justin Elliot Bell This site was last updated 01/08/09