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Directed by Stephen T. Kay.
Written by Eric Kripke, Juliet Snowden and Stiles White.
Starring Barry Watson.
Release Year:  2005
Review Date:  2/6/05


Here's what you need to know about this fucking piece of horseshit--

  1. After a fairly-decent prologue, every minute of this movie totally sucked...I literally started to get up to leave about 45 minutes into it.
  2. I had to look up who the star of "Boogeyman" was because I didn't recognize him and needed to know what else he had done to warrant his winning a lead role in a motion picture.
  3. The man who directed "Boogeyman" also directed the "Get Carter" remake; he also co-wrote the generally-bashed action/spy remake "The Mod Squad."
  4. At one point, the lead character gets beat up by an evil coat closet in his old house.
  5. Although the Boogeyman only seems to have access through people's closets, at one point he snatches a character through a bathtub drain hole.  No, this is never explained.
  6. "Boogeyman" has pretty much sealed up "Worst Ending of the Year" honors.
  7. "Boogeyman" made almost $20 million this weekend; as it only cost $7 million to make, this almost assures us of receiving "Boogeyman 2" sometime next year.

Why do I keep subjecting myself to this?  Please, Mr. Major Studio, stop making these shitty PG-13 horror films!!!

Rating:  Hard Vice


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Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)

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All material by Justin Elliot Bell for SMR/Bellview/ except where noted
1999-2009 Justin Elliot Bell This site was last updated 01/08/09