"The Blair Witch Project"
Directed by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez.
Written by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez.
Starring Heather Donahue, Josh Leonard and Mike Williams.
Release Year: 1999
Review Date: 7/19/99
I'm not telling you anything about the plot,
the characters, or the ending, but let me be blunt: this is the
scariest fucking movie I think I've ever fucking seen. Not only
that, both myself and Charles "Chuck" Longer kept reassuring
ourselves after the movie that it wasn't real, but that didn't make
it any less scary. And during the last thirty minutes, I don't
think that I was breathing at a normal pace at all. In fact, the
girl next to me was literally--and no, I'm not fucking making this
up--panting for the last ten minutes, because she was so scared; I
thought that she was going to rip her boyfriend's arm off.
With all of that in mind, this is not for
the faint-of-heart. If you have a significant other, DON'T bring
that person with you, because they will, as previously mentioned,
rip your fucking arm off. This isn't like "Halloween"-style horror,
with people jumping out of the shadows with large weapons. But,
this is a seriously intense movie. If you can get tickets (the
first four days of its run here in DC have sold out all 32 of its
shows), this is the best ticket you can get. I actually ordered
tickets through Moviefone for the first time, and it was worth it.
While this isn't "The Matrix", "Blair Witch" is technically perfect,
with a solid story and characters, and its setting is perfect for
its genre. Leave work right now and see this movie!
Did I mention that I am still scared right
now? Terry, good call--I can't get that ending out of my head.
Rating: Opening Weekend
Comments? Drop me a line at
Bellview Rating System:
"Opening Weekend": This is
the highest rating a movie can receive. Reserved for movies that
exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development,
setting...or Salma Hayek. Not necessarily in that order.
"$X.XX Show": This price
changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently,
it is the $9.50 Show. While not technically perfect, this is a
movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.
"Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca",
but you'll have a great time watching. The $9.50 Show won't win any
Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see
"Matinee": An average movie
that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.
Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about
yourself. A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave
the theater saying "That wasn't too bad...man, did you see that
Lakers game last night?"
"Rental": This rating
indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your
friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one." Mostly forgettable, you
couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to
watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the
video store was out of copies of "Ronin." If you can, see this
movie for free. This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a
"Hard Vice": This rating is
the bottom of the barrel. A movie that only six other human beings
have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. A Shannon
Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every
one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a
movie. Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or
"Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this
movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!
(Warning: strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard