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"Bad Company"

Directed by Joel Schumacher.
Written by Jason Richman and Michael Browning.
Starring Anthony Hopkins and Chris Rock.
Release Year:  2002
Review Date:  6/13/02 


Who allows this shit to happen? 

Who allows movies that star anybody with “Sir” in their name to be released that are this poor? 

Is Chris Rock becoming a Chris Rock cliché? 

Is this the worst film of the year? 

No idea, no idea, yes sirree and pretty damn close. 

“Bad Company” is, in the words of former roommate Keith “Sports Fan” Karem, total and complete dogshit.  It is so bad as to be walk-out-of-the-theater bad, but I always stick around hoping for a film to get better and in this case I lost once again. 

This isn’t as bad as “Windtalkers” (which is getting ridiculously-good praise from the press; if anyone goes to see that film, please let me know), but given that Sir Anthony Hopkins is the star of “Bad Company”, it is really fucking close.  Wow, this POS is bad!  WOW! 

The plot of this film, which has something to do with a bomb that could take out New York City, is irrelevant.  Here’s what is important: 

Chris Rock needs to consider quitting work on fictional motion pictures.  Stand-up comedy movies, fine...but, avoid studio films at all costs.  He is a horrible actor, and his loud, screaming black man phase is looking worse and worse on him.  (Amazingly, Chris Tucker does this better now, and he has the worst voice for this in the history of loud screaming black guys ever.)  Rock yells his way through the final 30 minutes of “Bad Company” and the crickets were louder than the fucking gunfire in my theater, his lines were so unfunny. 

Joel Schumacher might now have locked up the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Oscar with this dud.  His ups are really up--“Tigerland”, “St. Elmo’s Fire”, “Falling Down.”  But, when he bombs, like with “8MM” and series-murderer “Batman & Robin”, he kills shit, and “Bad Company” is just as bad as “Batman & Robin” ever hoped to be. 

The rare action-comedy film that features no laughs or any quality action, “Bad Company” should be avoided at all costs.  Luckily, I got to see this for free...and even then, I thought this thing sucked.

Rating:  Hard Vice


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Bellview Rating System:

"Opening Weekend":  This is the highest rating a movie can receive.  Reserved for movies that exhibit the highest level of acting, plot, character development, setting...or Salma Hayek.  Not necessarily in that order. 

"$X.XX Show":  This price changes each year due to the inflation of movie prices; currently, it is the $9.50 Show.  While not technically perfect, this is a movie that will still entertain you at a very high level.  "Undercover Brother" falls into this category; it's no "Casablanca", but you'll have a great time watching.  The $9.50 Show won't win any Oscars, but you'll be quoting lines from the thing for ages (see "Office Space"). 

"Matinee":  An average movie that merits no more than a $6.50 viewing at your local theater.  Seeing it for less than $9.50 will make you feel a lot better about yourself.  A movie like "Blue Crush" fits this category; you leave the theater saying "That wasn't too, did you see that Lakers game last night?" 

"Rental":  This rating indicates a movie that you see in the previews and say to your friend, "I'll be sure to miss that one."  Mostly forgettable, you couldn't lose too much by going to Hollywood Video and paying $3 to watch it with your sig other, but you would only do that if the video store was out of copies of "Ronin."  If you can, see this movie for free.  This is what your TV Guide would give "one and a half stars." 

"Hard Vice":  This rating is the bottom of the barrel.  A movie that only six other human beings have witnessed, this is the worst movie I have ever seen.  A Shannon Tweed "thriller," it is so bad as to be funny during almost every one of its 84 minutes, and includes the worst ending ever put into a movie.  Marginally worse than "Cabin Boy", "The Avengers" or "Leonard, Part 6", this rating means that you should avoid this movie at all costs, or no costs, EVEN IF YOU CAN SEE IT FOR FREE!  (Warning:  strong profanity will be used in all reviews of "Hard Vice"-rated movies.)

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The "fine print":
All material by Justin Elliot Bell for SMR/Bellview/ except where noted
© 1999-2009 Justin Elliot Bell This site was last updated 01/08/09