2008 Bellview Awards, Part II
Letís keep ridiní it!
Biggest Fucking Piece of Shit--"The
Actual quote by me, after Meg asked me where
"The Spirit" ranked amongst this year's movies:
"'The Spirit' was awful...but, 'The
Happening' was ten times worse."
Friends, "The Happening" made other films
look halfway decent, in a year that was one of the worst film years
on record. Just glancing at the other movies that were Rentals
or Hard Vices this year, it's not even close. M. Night
Shyamalan is a complete and total fraud. Fact:
Sixth Sense" was nominated for Best Picture in 2000. This, I
thought at the time, was VERY deserving. Even if you thought
"Signs" were good, the numbers don't lie about his
last three films. "The Village",
"Lady in the Water", and
"The Happening" are collectively atrocious (according to Rotten
Tomatoes, the average of those three films is a 28%...yikes) and did
not gross well at the box office (average of $75 million, okay but
not against the budgets of the films). Included in all of
this? The stories of those three films have been terrible and
the performances of his actors in his last two movies is nothing
short of embarrassing. You almost need to see "The Happening"
to know what I am talking about...wow.
Most Overrated Flick--"Burn After
"Overrated" is tough this year. Why?
Because movies sucked. Fact:
"Iron Man" was named as one
of the top ten films of the year by the American Film Institute.
"Iron Man" is a good movie, but like
"The Dark Knight" (another AFI
top 10), it is in the running for Best Picture, which is a testament
to the body of films available, not necessarily to these two
action/drama films. But, despite this, I am surprised that as
a complete film, "Burn After Reading" is receiving a decent number
of accolades. Meg and I thought the movie was okay, but
certainly not, say, a top-10 film like the National Board of Review
thought. The Coen Brothers are always somewhere between okay
and phenomenal, but this is not nearly as good as
"No Country for
Old Men", so what am I missing here?
Most Disappointing Flick--"Quantum of
This was maybe the toughest thing to
consider in 2008, a year packed with tears of sadness. I was
shocked at how bad Spike Lee's
"Miracle at St. Anna" turned out.
Jet Li and Jackie Chan combined to make an uneven, flat action film.
Don't even get me started on how terrible the Pacino/De Niro
collaboration "Righteous Kill" was.
"Speed Racer" bombed,
"Appaloosa" had no shootouts,
"Cloverfield" made me sick and
took a genius animated commentary on life in Tehran and ruined it in
a shitastic film adaptation done by the comic's author. Even a
bad franchise like
"Transporter 3" failed to deliver on bad action
scenes by featuring ALMOST NO ACTION. (Did I mention that the
"Max Payne" video games are actually really good?) But, the
edge here goes to the latest Bond adventure, which was disappointing
on a number of fronts for me. The movie's title?
Garbage. The Bond women? Garbage. No gadgets or a
Q sighting? Garbage. A move back to 75% action, 25%
drama (after a reversal in
"Casino Royale")? Garbage. A
Bond movie that only lasts about 100 minutes? Garbage.
If this was the first Daniel Craig Bond movie, I probably would have
liked it more...as it was, I still clamor to the hope that director
Martin Campbell gets to direct all of the Bond movies moving
Best Flick Nobody Saw--"In Bruges"
I saw this all the way back in January, and
I'm still surprised that basically no one saw this movie.
Funny, well shot, well plotted, and featuring well-played midget
humor, "In Bruges" has three great stars and is set in a random town
in Belgium. That ought to be enough for you to run out and see
Biggest Surprise Flick--"Punisher: War
I still can't believe that this "franchise
reboot" was even halfway decent...but, it delivers on the promise
that people will get violently punished in a virtual war zone, and
it delivers the kills in spades. Shockingly violent, but
otherwise, a must-see.
Ahh, just one more leg to go!
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